As many of you know, I travel a lot (with work) and spend most of it in bed writing. It’s a blessed and interesting life which I am deeply thankful for despite the pain. I learn soooo much walking this strange middle ground behind doors with fascinating insights into unusual things. The back doors of planes when there is no ramp to roll the wheelchair up, hotel rooms when everyone else is off at their meetings, strangers who help or stare at me, or whatever.
This morning is day 6 of this trip and I realised by day 4 that most of the guests have eaten breakfast before I arrive in the restaurant at 9am, so I have it pretty much to myself. It is also only a few doors down from my hotel room and I meet almost no one on the way there or back.
I never go anywhere without my crutch but at home where there are wide doorways, no unnecessary furniture, almost no other people and I know my way around perfectly, I don’t need my crutch. So on days like today, it is tempting to go to breakfast without it. I knew there would be no one to bump me, plenty of room, and such a short walk. It feels soooo good to spend that short walk, all of 2 minutes, looking like a “normal” person. It feels like a great gift! So I periodically I give in to this temptation to leave the crutch behind just this once.
But on the whole, human beings want the best for each other and wish strangers well. So as I arrived at breakfast the waiters who I had spent the last 4 days getting to know, chatting to them like the real people they are, and trying to be the best customer I can be, were all THRILLED that my leg was suddenly better! They had never asked what was wrong with me, but we all make assumptions and seeing me with a crutch meant for them that I must have a sore leg right? So today when I hobbled in without it, one by one they all came over to say how thrilled they were that it is better!
Um…. no. In a few days time I will go home and likely never see them again, so it just wasn’t worth it to explain the whole thing, especially so many times. So I just thanked them for their kindness and didn’t pop their bubble that I am healed. YAY! I shared their happiness for me. But I was reminded, yet again, why I need to be consistent and never, ever, ever go without the crutch.
In a similar story a few months ago, my husband took my crutch out the car because he was collecting work people from the airport. He forgot to put it back in and the next day I drove to pick him up from the office so that we could join the overseas guests at a restaurant for dinner. We only realised the mistake when we arrived and there was no crutch on the back seat. We parked only a few spaces from the restaurant door and as he was with me I just latched onto his arm tightly.
We had the same response from all the colleagues as I did a few days ago here at the hotel; all were thrilled that I was suddenly healed. We then spent the next 10 minutes explaining the situation.
So you see, it isn’t about whether they are right or wrong or the false hope, or the explanations. People are so used to my crutches and mobility issues and my wheelchair now, that they just see it all as part of me. Some have leaned in and been great, others have run a mile, but wherever they are in the whole scheme of things, we have found our new normal with each of them. And when I arrive at breakfast, or dinner, or at the airport or the office, or anywhere else, they talk to me the same way they talk to “normal” people. They ask about my week or my trip and share their own news. My mobility aids are no more a part of the discussion than a coat or a scarf or a handbag would be. But when I go without it people get excited and we land up talking about my health and my crutches and whether or not I am cured and it opens the door to a whole conversation that I am sick of talking about.
It’s not their fault and they aren’t rude. But the reality is, I do wish that I could leave it at home, or in the room or in the car sometimes, but I can’t…
Walks without crutches are short as anyway, but they are now only for home, family and a very small group of friends that I see a lot of … sadly 😦
To book a talk with me and discuss my schedule you can contact me on JPeaSmith@KingsRoadChronicles.com
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