I write about my life, my abuse, my chronic condition (EDS), and my anxiety, as well as all the beautiful things in my life like children and travel and the up side to spending much of my life in bed. It is a long and extremely complicated story where all these pieces of me intertwine and merge in ways that make them very hard to separate sometimes. But I am working on it. I am writing a series of books which hopefully will inspire and encourage anyone who has found themselves in any of these situations.
But as I was writing the chapter on anxiety I got stuck. And not because I couldn’t find the words or enough examples, or because I had “writer’s block”. It was the complete opposite. I had so much to share, so much to say, that I struggled with the idea of having to squash it into a single chapter. Even a very long chapter. So I stepped outside of the book and decided to write the anxiety journey in a separate document, in a way that it deserved. To take away the constraints of “chapter” or “have to” or even “book”. To just tell my story as is. To let it flow in ways that it needed to.
But it was more than that. While my journey was long, crap, painful, humiliating and exhausting, it was no worse than any other part of the journey. No worse than the medical journey or the abuse journey. But for the most part, in the end, I won. And not because I was “positive” or “strong” or worked harder than anyone else with anxiety, but because I was desperate, at rock bottom, and had the luxury of having studied both psychology and biochemistry at University level, and my gut and my God told me that I could find the answers and change it.
I had the tools and a focus and the determination to fix this because it had become, over time, my most crippling, life-destroying condition.
Well, talk about getting lost down a rabbit hole. Writing about it was an emotional but cathartic experience which I have to say, one I so enjoyed. I had never spent that kind of time or energy unpacking the almost endless layers of my anxiety as a vital part of my medical and abuse life stories.
I want to tell my whole story, and it is a story worth sharing. But not everyone is interested in EDS, or chronic illness, or travelling with a wheelchair, or emotional abuse either as a child or an adult. But I found that when I told my anxiety story, almost every ear pricked. The questions came hard and fast and almost without exception, people asked me how I did it and shared that they either knew someone, or they themselves could benefit from my story.
So I decided that while I want the world to hear my big story, I don’t want anyone to HAVE to buy it or read it to bring healing to their own anxiety journey. I am told that I have something unique to share and that in some small way, it is already making a difference to so many people.
I don’t like trying to sell myself or the things that I create or write. But when it comes to my story, I am so happy to share it. Every day I read about fellow anxiety sufferers who are also struggling, and I realized that if I could spell out how I did it and I take a reader through each and every step, then perhaps I could bring some hope and relief to just a few other people.
And so I put my book on hold and have spent months taking apart my anxiety journey piece by piece and putting it together again in an easy to understand, short (less than an hour read), and practical book all of its own. “The Lion and the Peacock” has become a precious story to me and was a privilege to write. It was released on Amazon Kindle in January, as an eBook and a paperback version, both which include the accompanying workbook.
I would love your feedback and to hear your stories through the review system at the end of the book, or you can email me on JPeaSmith@KingsRoadChronicles.com
My book is available HERE!
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