Catch 22 in Chronic stuff

img_3702Today I woke up with absolutely no spoons at all. It’s been a horrible week where workmen stole my rest days and stresses came from all sides at the same time … one of those “perfect storm” kind of scenarios.

Thursdays are supposed to be full rest days anyway, however since I have been sticking to my rest routine, rest days are no longer hiding under the covers trying to survive days, but more sitting up in my office (bed) working on writing, creating, or doing something that feels to me to be productive and enriching.

So this morning when I woke up with no spoons and the worst case of Brain Fog, I was really disappointed. And here’s the thing, the first “Catch 22”: If I go to bed and rest under the covers, I also feel miserable and disappointed that I couldn’t do the things that I wanted to do today, but if I stay up a little and do something productive, then I will feel psychologically better …but there is also a good chance that I will get physically worse.

The second “Catch 22” for the day was that tomorrow I am supposed to be glazing plates with a friend, and it is also really important for me and my soul and my survival emotionally to be able to do that. But it is hard work, those tubs may not look big, but they are 600ml each and weigh up to 1.5kg each! (because glaze is made from glass and sand and it is HEAVY). That means that I can’t even move more than one at a time around the studio, never mind further. The second problem is that the lids are so wide that my fingers only just go around the edges and so they hurt my poor old Eeds hands awfully. But thirdly and by far the worst, is that the sediment settles to the bottom and the glazes need a LOT of very hard mixing each time I use them, which I just can’t do any more.

So today’s plan had been to open them all, use a kitchen blender to mix them perfectly and painlessly, and then to transfer them all into 100ml bottles which I can easily carry, open and mix. But 16 large jars (many of them no longer full) transferred into 70 small ones, and it is a super messy job, which once started is more work to pack up and restart again another day. Over and above that, I need  them tomorrow, and if I didn’t do them today then the follow on suffering tomorrow and next week would be huge, not to mention that I was feeling defeated and frustrated and down.

img_3703-2Anyway, the outcome was that I decided to go for it, but set myself up in such a way that I was sitting as much as possible, broke the jobs down to chunks, and made a deal with myself that if it got too much I would stop, and that regardless of when I stopped the rest of the day was in bed. And it worked, and I finished it and I am super chuffed with myself and feel on top of the world for having accomplished it. Tomorrow I will thank my today self over and over every time I open the next jar…

But more than that, as obvious as it sounds, I am terrible at breaking my own rules and not self caring. So I am super proud that I made a plan, new my limits, didn’t push them, and set myself up really well.

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